minoanmiss: (Default)
[personal profile] minoanmiss posting in [community profile] agonyaunt
Dear Carolyn: In my childhood, criticism from my parents was the constant theme. My grades were never good enough, my room was never clean enough, whatever. As a result, I feel little to no affection for my parents now that I’m an adult, and I don’t spend much time with them or talk to them much. I just don’t like them very much.

However, some people who know this say I’m going to regret distancing myself from them when they’re gone. Do you think that’s true? Should I make more of an effort to spend more time with them now so I don’t regret it later?

— Criticized


Criticized: Your friends would regret distancing themselves, if they were in your position. That doesn’t mean you will.

So, no, I don’t think that is universally true that distance equals regrets.

However, I do believe that seeing parents as people, instead of just as parents, is a more useful way to determine how to adapt your relationship with them over time.

What you describe of your parents is a child’s view of people who, apparently, thought that being a parent meant being strict and teachy all the time. I agree with you that it’s a cold way to go, and tough to forgive, but there are other aspects of parenthood that could provide a fuller and fairer picture. Were their parents that way with them? Was the culture around them one of “seen and not heard” and “spare the rod” orthodoxy? Did they tend not to question things about life in general, their parenting views among them? Was one of them softer but not strong enough to counteract the other?

And: What did they become after their active child-rearing years were over? Did they remain locked in a cold orthodoxy, or did they bloom a little when the weight of responsibility was removed? Are they trying to get to know you now, or are you still 12 to them?

Do you know them all that well as people, or did you distance yourself effectively enough that your last real impression of them was formed as you fled their home after high school?

I ask these questions entirely without judgment. People have their natural, even reflexive ways of looking out for their own health, and kids of unhappy childhoods can even have this need as their central motivation. It makes sense.

But when you get to the point where you’re asking whether this is the right way to go, my inclination is to suggest that you keep asking questions and see where your inquiry leads you. If you don’t feel up to digging all that out, that’s reasonable. Your prerogative. It might also make sense to spend a few sessions with a skilled therapist.

And it might be liberating just to try, once or twice, with no great expectations, to talk to your parents with a different image of them in mind as you do it.

They’re people. Possibly kind of stunted people who meant no harm but had no clue. People who might have interesting things to say if you asked them different questions, and/or with a different objective in mind. Not “I want them to say they’re sorry” or “I want just once for them to be warm and welcoming,” but maybe “I want to see them how their friends do,” or one of my favorite suggestions from a long-ago chatter, “I want to approach them as an anthropologist would and see what I find out.”
morgandawn: (Art Noveau Blue)
[personal profile] morgandawn
Posted in full at: http://ift.tt/2fiWdfg on September 24, 2017 at 03:00PM

Mexico City Rocked by 7.1 Magnitude Earthquake, Weeks After Devastating Temblor:

Donate: http://ift.tt/2fj5VOD

Please take time this Sunday to donate to help our neighbors recover from the devastating earthquakes and hurricanes.  This charity has a 4 star rating and spends its money on the ground. And if you cannot spare any funds, please reshare.

This will be 1 of several organizations I will highlight today.

Tags:not a reblog, charity, DWCrosspost, giving

Tumblr post (this is likely a reblog, and may have more pictures over there)
morgandawn: (Art Noveau Blue)
[personal profile] morgandawn
Posted in full at: http://ift.tt/2wQ7lXl on September 24, 2017 at 12:00PM

Caribbean Hurricane Maria & Irma Relief Fund:

Please take time this Sunday to donate to help our neighbors recover from Hurricane Maria and Irma. This charity has a 4 star rating and spends its money on the ground. And if you cannot spare any funds, please reshare.

This will be 1 of several organizations I will highlight today.

Tags:not a reblog, charity, giving, DWCrosspost

Tumblr post (this is likely a reblog, and may have more pictures over there)

Puerto Rico Real-Time Recovery Fund

Sep. 24th, 2017 04:08 pm
morgandawn: (Art Noveau Blue)
[personal profile] morgandawn
Posted in full at: http://ift.tt/2hsfrzQ on September 24, 2017 at 09:02AM

Puerto Rico Real-Time Recovery Fund:

While the kneel/stand sports/first amendment debate is fascinating, please take time this Sunday to donate to help our neighbors recover from Hurricane Maria and Irma. This charity has a 4 star rating and spends its money on the ground. And if you cannot spare any funds, please reshare.

This will be 1 of several organizations I will highlight today.

Tags:not a reblog, charity, giving, puerto rico, DWCrosspost

Tumblr post (this is likely a reblog, and may have more pictures over there)

Out of F*cks Couscous

Sep. 23rd, 2017 04:05 pm
lizcommotion: Lily and Chance squished in a cat pile-up on top of a cat tree (buff tabby, black cat with red collar) (Default)
[personal profile] lizcommotion posting in [community profile] cookability
I first made this couscous when I was more regularly going to pot-lucks and I wanted something that was quick, cheap, easy, could be served at room temperature, and was vegetarian. (So many pot lucks full of sad vegetarians eating carrot sticks and cookies.)

My disclaimer is that usually my (Arab) girlfriend doesn't eat it because it tastes nothing at all like her family's actually authentic Middle Eastern couscous.

However, the higher-energy version gets the spices closer to right.

Skills used (out of fucks version)
- knife (optional)
- opening a can
- boiling water
- opening containers
- stirring a bowl

Skills used (don't fuck with me version)
- knife (less optional, food processor might work as alternate)
- opening a can
- boiling water
- opening containers
- active cooking at stove

Out of Fucks Couscous

Read more... )

Don't Fuck with me Couscous

This is the version I prefer but it requires slightly more energy so I'm listing it here as an alternative. Also, maybe you prefer Out of Fucks Couscous. IDK! Maybe you will riff off these and invent your own!

Read more... )

Other variations I've been meaning to try that probably require more energy:
- Microwave a sweet potato and cube, add instead of tomatoes
- Add raisins to saute mixture?
- Some way to do this with quinoa so it's gluten free, but also doesn't take forever

goodbye homeland; hello homeland

Sep. 22nd, 2017 10:32 am
marina: (Default)
[personal profile] marina
So, in about 20 minutes I'm going to be leaving my parents' place, so that we can all go to the airport and travel to the country where my family has lived for as many generations as we know about (at least 4) and left when I was 7.

I've never been to the capital. I don't speak the language that people mostly speak there. (Everyone else in my family does speak it, but at home we always spoke Russian, the de facto lingua franca of the USSR, and that's all I managed to pick up by 7.) Kiev is new to me, and not new because I grew up on stories about it. (My aunt grew up there.) Odessa is familiar, full of people who will be happy to see me, but foreign too, like just another random European city, with buildings and customs that don't conform to the West Asian norms I find familiar and standard.

Anyway, if I started describing my feelings in earnest we'd never be done with parentheses.

I expect this trip will be a mindfuck. I expect being stuck with my parents for two weeks straight will be... a challenge. I hope, intensely, that the next two weeks will be wonderful and healing as well, as going home usually is.

Take care, friends.

(no subject)

Sep. 20th, 2017 01:15 pm
camper4lyfe: (Default)
[personal profile] camper4lyfe posting in [community profile] runners
I've never posted here before, so what better way than with a race report? I posted this to my other running group and decided I'd share it here as well.
It's race report time )

Annie's Mailbox: Man only half there

Sep. 20th, 2017 09:20 am
cereta: Laura Cereta (cereta)
[personal profile] cereta posting in [community profile] agonyaunt
Dear Annie: I am 23 years old and have been dating "Tom" for two years. He works in a demanding job that requires an extensive amount of travel. He's away almost six months of the year.

When Tom isn't traveling, he's with me during the week, but spends most weekends going places with his fraternity or visiting his parents. This means for the six months he's in town, I get perhaps one weekend.

We are saving for a house, and Tom's constant recreational travel is cutting into our budget. I want our couple time back, as well as time to take care of things at home. I've suggested compromises (such as two weekends away and two weekends home), but things always come up that he "has to do." Two months ago, I was let go from my job. That same afternoon, Tom left on a trip with friends that could have easily been cancelled. I can't use those same weekends to visit my family because they are too far away, so I spend a lot of time sitting home alone.

I know nothing unsavory is going on. Tom is a wonderful guy. I have no intention of leaving him. I knew when we met that his job would require a lot of travel, but these personal weekends are difficult for me. I know he hates being inactive or staying home, but it seems excessive. How can we come up with a workable solution? -- Home Alone

Dear Home: Tom thinks he already has a workable solution and has no incentive to compromise. After all, he sees you all week. Right now, his schedule is a minor hardship for you, but if you marry and have children, it will be a major problem. You'll have to revisit this issue then.

Meanwhile, we are never in favor of sitting home alone moping. Please find things to occupy yourself during the weekends when Tom is absent. Look for part-time work. Take classes to bone up on your skills. Go biking. Accompany him when he visits his family, and get to know them better.

offline

Sep. 20th, 2017 07:07 am
morgandawn: (BSG Don't Even Start Kara scifijunkie)
[personal profile] morgandawn
 injured myself last night. walking, standing, sitting etc is very painful. may be offline for a while.

Calls To Kill TrumpCare

Sep. 20th, 2017 06:12 am
morgandawn: (Art Noveau Blue)
[personal profile] morgandawn
Posted in full at: http://ift.tt/2ycGRAA on September 19, 2017 at 10:40PM

If you live in a Democratic state you can help.

.....if you live in a state with two Democratic Senators who support the ACA, you may be asking yourself: what more can I do? How can I influence persuadable Republicans in red states who may be on the fence?

Well, we have an answer! We’re bringing back the blue state/red state calling tool from the last healthcare fight.

https://www.trumpcareten.org/calls-to-kill-trumpcare

Here’s how it works:

  1. Sign up below to make phone calls from our peer-to-peer dialing tool. You’ll get an email confirmation with a login, password, and URL to sign into our system. Once signed in, you can start making calls immediately—and we’ll give you a script to make it as easy as possible!

  2. Next, you’ll call a voter in a key state with a swing Republican Senator. These folks are your friends—they attended the Women’s March, they’re standing up to #DefendDACA, and/or fight for progressive causes.

  3. You explain how they have power now. You’ll remind them why the continued fight against TrumpCare is so important—and why they have particular power in this moment.

  4. You ask them to use their power. You’ll ask them to call their senator in opposition to the bill, and to share their own reasons for opposing it.

  5. The tool connects them to their Senator’s office. The call tool will allow you to automatically patch them through to the Senators’ district offices.

It’s super easy: more than 1,000 Indivisibles in blue states made 100,000 phone calls to constituents in our target states in the final two days before the healthcare vote in July. And we won. We can win this time, too.


Tags:not a reblog, activism, PDWCrosspost2, save us

Tumblr post (this is likely a reblog, and may have more pictures over there)

Call Your Senator: Weds Sept 20, 2017

Sep. 20th, 2017 06:12 am
morgandawn: (Art Noveau Blue)
[personal profile] morgandawn
Posted in full at: http://ift.tt/2xg1UTw on September 19, 2017 at 10:30PM

“Friend posted this one. I haven’t heard anything more recent or accurate. So, default mode: CALL! 

They are just one vote shy of repealing the ACA. If any of these Senators represent you, call them NOW. This is an all-hands-on-deck moment. 

if you have family or friends in these states, ask them to call. Or use Resist Bot to fax their Senators.  Text RESIST to 50409 

McCain 202-224-2235 (AZ)

Murkowski 202-224-6665 (AK)

Collins 202-224-2523 (Maine)

Portman 202-224-3353 (Ohio)

Capito 202-224-6472 (West Virginia)

Alexander 202-224-4944 (TN


Tags:not a reblog, activism, PDWCrosspost2

Tumblr post (this is likely a reblog, and may have more pictures over there)

But Wait There's More

Sep. 19th, 2017 09:56 pm
morgandawn: (Default)
[personal profile] morgandawn
What if you could get color like this.....






but at the cost of having wavy lines like these.....






Meme: 10 favorite characters

Sep. 19th, 2017 03:00 am
branchandroot: oak against sky (Default)
[personal profile] branchandroot
Okay, this one sounds fun. Favorite characters in 10 different fandoms.

1. Fullmetal Alchemist. Roy. I mean, Ed is huge fun to write, and so is Al when he gets his snark on, but Roy is my most reliable fic-fodder character, plotting creature that he is.

2. Prince of Tennis. Probably Yukimura, with Rikkai as a whole coming close second. They’re just so much fun to write about as a team; tasty dynamics everywhere, especially with the angst-lever to crack it all open.

3. Bleach. Hm. This one is actually a little difficult. I mean, in absolute terms, Rukia, but, again, mostly Rukia in relation to Ichigo and Orihime and Renji. Close second place is split by Byakyua and Hirako Shinji, despite the second’s late appearance.

4. Kuroko no Basuke. Kuroko, hands down, often in relation to Kagami, but also in relation to the other Miracle-idiots. No one can lay the straight-faced smackdown like Kuroko.

5. Angel Sanctuary. Mad Hatter, with Kira following close behind. I have a soft spot for complex motivation, in case that wasn’t obvious.

6. Naruto. Kakashi, closely followed by Sakura, albeit usually in the key of “omfg, move over and let me drive” given that canon gives them both a pretty raw deal, character-development-wise.

7. 07-Ghost. Frau. I also have a /huge/ soft spot for Teito and Ouka, and everything they might make of their world, but Frau is the most fun to play with.

8. Katekyou Hitman Reborn. Gokudera is entertainingly highstrung, but the more I dug into it, the more Squalo showed up with a bagful of plot and emotional porn. 

9. GetBackers. Kazuki, especially in relation to Saizou, Toshiki, Sakura, and Juubei. Also with the emotional porn and fix-it urges.

10. Nirvana in Fire. Lin Shu/Mei Changsu, yes, all the way. A type, I can haz it, and it’s called Magnificent Bastards.

In conclusion, I clearly like the ones who smile politely all the while they’re getting a nice, iron grip on everything around them. Though also the ones whose central motivation is devotion. 

Consider yourself tagged, if you’d like!

from Tumblr http://ift.tt/2x9d6DM
via IFTTT
morgandawn: (Art Noveau Blue)
[personal profile] morgandawn
Posted in full at: http://ift.tt/2xu7Ev7 on September 18, 2017 at 07:06PM

Please call your reps

Tags:not a reblog, activism, PDWCrosspost2

Tumblr post (this is likely a reblog, and may have more pictures over there)
morgandawn: (Vid Free! As Free As The Wind Blows...)
[personal profile] morgandawn
 I am working with a third party to convert VHS tapes onto DVD. At home, I only use the copyguard removal tool when the video won't  transfer  (note: most of the tapes are not protected, just really crappy quality). The reason is that when the tool is turned on, it caused horizontal "tearing" or wavy lines (think really bad Twilight Zone effect) on all clips.  So I use it only sparingly when I have no other choice

The third party is using a Time Based Corrector which also serves as  copyguard remover (if needed). We're getting the same problem - even if a tape has no copyguard on it, if the tool is turned on, it causes wavy lines. There is no way for him to capture without it (his setup is fixed).  

I'd love another set of eyes on the results to decide whether to proceed. And of course any suggestions.


  

edited: based on feedback, I tried adding a different TBC/clarifier (Panasonic DMR-ES10), inserting it before the Canopus capture card. This stabilized the image but introduced  a red/purple color shift across the clips. Again, this is not copy-protected tape - just really bad source.

What this tells me is this

1.An automated approach may not be feasible - we either live with jagged lines through all the vids or red/purple color shift through all the vids. Or we stick with the labor intensive method - run the video until it stops, mark the location, proceed and then return to decrypt the "bad vid" at the end.

2. I need to try different TBC/copy guard removers before confirming #1. There are two more - one is the Sima (on loan) and the other is the 
ATV-8710 that I will have to buy.  This second one does not have as good track record removing the wavy lines as the Panasonic DMR-ES10. One online reviews say that it handles wavy lines very much like the TBC that the third party uses (DataVideo)

3. If #1 turns out to be correct, I may not be able to use a third party because all they can do is push a record button and cannot make adjustments.



Links: all copyguard removal tools degrade the picture. So using them for all source may be counter-productive.

Digital copyguard removal tool recs

stand alone DVD recorders may be better for bad quality video

but if you need to get an external TBC the ATV-8710 might work

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the paranoid android

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